At the Pilates studio where I work, there each Saturday morning scheduled 2 back-to-back reformer classes, and this particular December Saturday I had the good fortune of instructing both. I was relaxed and strong at the going into class, as I was a good boy the night before in going to bed early and had arrived on time to do my own work-out prior to the start of the first class.
The first class was a dream come true….great energy, no doubt about that. The group was focused, they were receptive to something more deep, so that we could endeavor to go beyond the form of the exercise and have a deeper look at the quality with which the movements were being performed.
‘Extend your arms from your center’,
‘Look to see how all your movement can emanate from your center’
‘Finding the center is a lifelong endeavor, there is no end to that search, and yet while looking, we work intensely from that which we see now’.
So you can kind of see, there was a certain meeting of the minds which I think we all were enjoying. As a side remark, it is important not to get carried away by letting an intense inspiration to search and work give way to a self-indulgent excitement (perhaps I did slip into the latter a bit, but this is a subject of another letter….)? Anyway, things were good, the class was engaged, and when the class ends I sense that people have been touched.
A short break, and on to class number two.
With the start of the second class, I am ready to surf on the wave of the previous class and to continue to transmit some groovy inspiration. Standing to the side of the reformers we start in simplicity with the arms extending upward and downward in rhythm with the breath, slowly….the woman directly in front of me raises her arms in staccato fashion upwards, and then lets them flail downward to her sides.
‘So let’s stretch the arms outwards, in rhythm with the breath, using the full time’, I say to the group, careful to not be too forceful, yet unmistakably clear both in speech and action to what the simple exercise should aspire to. Again, staccato up, flail down.
And BAM…..within me rises a sharp pang of provocation, and I am getting irritated. And whereas the last hour was spent in smooth sailing, I could see that this next was going to be a challenge, a session of patience and self-learning.
So I want to talk this situation when you have the uncooperative one, the ‘one with the bad attitude’, in class.
The first thing I do is pull in a bit, give the exercises more ‘by the book’, this leaves me a bit of energy to have a closer look to see whether or not it is just me that has the problem. Of course, if I am provoked, it is me and my expectations which I am responsible for so it is my problem. But this does not preclude that someone else is, shall we say, ‘not being nice’, so I try to confirm that what I am perceiving is indeed true rather than my own failed perception.
So I had the class get onto the reformer and start with footwork, I continue to observe. ‘Start slowly’, I encouraged, (sorry Andrea Maida, I really like to make them go slow in my class ;-)) ‘feel the stretch as you go out, relax the shoulders and neck, maintain neutral, R E S I I I I S T coming in, gently’. Did I see an eye roll there which I guess is in reaction to the slowness of the start? Yes, I think I did, perhaps meaning….’I came here for a work-out, let’s get the show on the road’. Yep, definitely some unfriendly behavior externally, I am feeling the heat, but I stuck with game plan…….looking out over the group, ignoring that she, right in from of me, is going faster than I have instructed. ‘Okay now, double time, and maintain the support and the stretch’.
So, the main lesson for me that day, and only the 1000th time that I have gone through it, was to….CHECK YOUR EGO AT THE DOOR (you see, I am a real fast learner…). Whereas it would have been wonderful to have the feedback experienced in the earlier class, I realize that I am there to give, regardless. I won’t say that I expect nothing in return, I don’t pretend to be so pure, but if I am not getting what I expect and want….well I just gotta take it – and look also to see why I do.
Class moves on, and I demonstrate swan dive on the long box, and in the corner of my eye I see my friend, sent by life to test me, walk over and speak furtively to her neighbor. Yes, check your ego at the door, but enough is enough, and lifting myself up a bit higher in the swan which I demonstrate, I ask gently, firmly, and as non-confrontationally as possible, ‘Excuse me, is there something you would like to say’. ‘No, no, no….’ she assures me and steps nearer to her own reformer.
So yes, check your ego at the door, but be there needs to be a certain level of respect, and it is okay to require that.
Everyone jumps on to the box for swan dive, and I see that my friend is looking stretched and long with nice support from the center. ‘Nice work’, I said to her, and it truly was.
So making a long story short, class ended rather well, I managed to ‘maintain’ my nerves satisfactorily and give a decent class. My ‘friend’ hurried out and the exchange ended. I reflected how sometimes it is hard work, giving to an audience that you feel is not receptive, but it is a great opportunity to learn and be patient.
At this time I find that this is a good way to deal with the situation, in list form:
– Use the situation to learn about yourself, your ambitions, wants and expectations.
– Check your ego at the door, you are there to give and receive, with priority on giving.
– But DO require respect and manners, hopefully in a non-confrontational way.
– Give positive feedback where applicable.
– And most of all….do not struggle!!