Pilates Intel Online Newsletter for the Pilates Teaching Community

March 13, 2019

Just Not Good Enough

by Patricia Glynn

Maybe I’m just not good enough….
Maybe I don’t know enough….
Maybe I’m not teaching enough….
Maybe I should have my own studio and classes….
Maybe I am not doing enough workshops.…

But I constantly came back to the first Maybe… Maybe I’m just not good enough…

“I seek strength not to be greater than others, but to fight my greatest enemy, the doubts within myself.” ― P.C. Cast

I’m not from a dance or athletic background; I’ve gained no medical or physical qualifications; I’m just a woman with back problems since having my first child in the early 80’s. I remember reading magazine articles about Contrology when Pilates wasn’t really practiced in Ireland. Thankfully, there became an awareness of Pilates and it became much easier to access classes, so I joined my first Pilates class in my early 40’s. It was my saviour. I’m sure I don’t need to go into why I became a Pilates teacher because everybody reading this article will understand. I had found my vocation.

I discussed my desire to teach with Liz Synnott who first introduced me to my mat many years ago. She runs Thrive Pilates Studio in my home town of Greystones, County Wicklow. Her feedback was nothing but positive and so I began my journey in gaining my qualifications. Liz supported, encouraged and mentored me throughout and we have since become close friends.

At last, qualification and certificate in hand, I was ready to go out and make a difference to others. I embarked upon my teaching career. I loved the process of planning my classes, connecting to others and hearing positive feedback from clients.

Going into my fourth year of teaching, I started having periods of self-doubt. I was at a crossroads in my Pilates career. I started asking myself, “Do I continue teaching a few private clients and classes weekly or do I open my own studio?” In the end, I decided the studio route was not for me. Around this time, I started experiencing injuries. I was having foot, knee and hip issues that were affecting my ability to demonstrate specific exercises in classes. I continued to demonstrate but was aggravating these injuries in the process. More advanced clients like to be challenged with exercises such as Teaser, Side kick Kneeling, and Corkscrew – these were just too challenging for me to demonstrate. I was upset with my body and felt it was letting me down. I think the cumulation of self-doubt and injury made me hold back on the studio venture. Then, to top it all off, I started menopause! All the symptoms were kicking in, hot flashes, sweaty palms making workouts hard, along with brain fog and lack of energy as a result of disturbed sleep patterns. All adding to the negativity building up inside … I felt like a failure.

That downward spiral of self-doubt was hammering away. In order to try to counteract these feelings, I continued to educate myself by looking at workshops that interested me in the hope that it would help me find my mojo again. But these workshops only highlighted my injuries and inability to move which frustrated me more. I was surrounded by younger teachers and that chipped away at my self-confidence. At this point, I had to wonder … Maybe I’m just not good enough.

My body was changing with age and I was trying to compete as if my body was 30 years younger. I was having trouble with my pelvis and hips even moving into bridge position as my sacrum would start letting me know it was not comfortable. I was finding it difficult to maintain Neutral with the imbalance in my pelvis whilst doing side-leg series. My wrist that I had broken as a child was making Plank position uncomfortable. I noticed it was taking longer to recover after a busy week of classes filled with demonstrations.

So, I decided to stop, park that part of my life and take time out; I even considered getting rid of the literature I had accumulated over the years. Taking this sabbatical took the pressure off. It was time for self-care – I travelled and explored holistic treatments for my injuries and my mind. During this time, I looked at the Pilates industry and how it has evolved, especially here in Ireland over the last ten to fifteen years since I started practicing. It had grown with momentum and has become one of the most popular forms of movement with studios in nearly every town.

I think I was getting a bit lost in the industry that Pilates in part has become. Maybe (that word again) I should stop feeling scared and intimidated by all the competition surrounding me and feeling I must be the best teacher ever – just teach with what my gut has been telling me all along. Teach the classic exercises Joe devised when he introduced the world to Contrology and the basic principles we were taught. Mind and body working together focusing on our Breathing, Centring, Concentration, Flow, Core Connection. It’s not about the latest prop, best reformer, best anything. Focusing more on the clients because they come to class as this is their time to self-care, their body, their mat. We as teachers are here to encourage and guide them through their Pilates practice.

Liz, my mentor, was always there. She would keep in touch and encourage me not to give up. While I felt low, I would still cover classes when she needed me to. Whilst I would dread going to teach, at the end of every class, I still had that lovely feeling inside…that I had made a difference to someone today. I continued to teach one elderly client of mine who needed his weekly practice to keep moving. He never knew what I was going through, but I realise now he was helping me to continue my teaching. I suppose it really hit home to me recently when one of the first clients I taught just completed her Pilates Instructor Qualification. She contacted me for help and guidance before her exams.

The experience led to an epiphany …. Maybe I have made a difference.

It’s still a work in progress for me, but I’m glad I had this epiphany. I got off the merry-go-round and had time to reflect. That is why I felt compelled to write this article for Pilates Intel – to thank and congratulate Gail Giovanniello for her article entitled “Self-Care – It All Starts With You”. Reading it re-affirmed that I needed to take that break and that maybe I am good enough!

Before Patricia Glynn embarked on her training she completed an ITEC Diploma in Anatomy & Physiology level 3 in 2012 and began her training and was Stott ®certified in 2013 Level 1 Matwork.
She completed numerous workshops which include pre & post-natal Pilates, scoliosis management , osteoporosis management , Matwork for Brest cancer rehab , functional anatomy cueing & correcting and Total Barre™ Instructor foundation Course L1 .
In the last few years she has been drawn to teaching the older population and has begun to explore the work of Thomas Hanna by attending weekend workshops in Somatic Movement and intends to continue to explore methods which will enable older individuals to engage and move more freely in their daily lives.